Many online marriage forums as well as therapists and counselors field the question, "How can I stop my divorce?" This can be a loaded question. There are so many variables to consider when it comes to putting the pieces back together from a broken marriage. First of all, once the divorce proceedings start, it is a lot harder to tackle that "How can I stop my divorce?" question.
In order to halt divorce proceedings, both parties in the marriage must agree to try and work things out. If both of you cannot agree and compromise, the "How can I stop my divorce?" question is a moot point. The answer would be that you cannot.
Before you can tackle the "How can I stop my divorce?" question, there are a few exercises that you should go through. They can help you get to the true root of your marriage problems. Many times, the complaint that are aired are often a by-product of the true cause of the marriage breakdown.
1. Separately, each one of you should write down your list of grievances that you perceive to be the cause of your marriage problems. One of the reasons why the "how can I stop my divorce" mantra is so common is because this particular exercise is skipped. Sometimes, people discover that their problems really aren't so big and sometimes, they seem insurmountable.
2. Get together with your spouse and compare lists. Be prepared for brutal honesty. You will likely hear things that you wish you didn't. However, to get past the "how can I stop my divorce" stage, you must face what your partner perceives you to be and vice versa.
3. Together with your spouse, agree to work hard at quieting that "how can I stop my divorce" question. Dissect those troublesome issues and categorize them by root causes or what you think is the root cause of the problems. Sometimes, you will be surprised by the outcome. You see, as people grow older and become involved in new activities and jobs, their tastes and preferences change. If you do not communicate with your spouse every day, you will not grow together but rather apart.
Of course, there are serious issues in which divorce might be the best thing such as emotional, verbal and physical abuse. But what about infidelity, gambling, drinking and other vices that cause problems? Do you still love one another but finding it hard to live together? If this is the case, you can squash the "how can I stop my divorce" mantra and work hard together to solve those problems. It is probably easier said than done, but if you have a commitment to one another and don't want to throw away a number of years of marriage, it will pay off emotionally and spiritually if you did.
"How can I stop my divorce" is one of the biggest pleas of help from married people. It signals that you are at the end of your rope and would do anything in order to stop it. However, you and your spouse must be prepared to work hard in order for your downward spiral trend to reverse itself. Do you have what it takes? Only you and your spouse can decide. Quiet those "how can I stop my divorce" questions and get on with your marriage.
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